progmess

here's my newly-invented word:

progmess: that stage where real progress is being made, but it looks, feels, etc. like unmitigated chaos.

i'm thinking about lots of people who are in the progmess stage of things (e.g., divorce), where the central event has happened, but there is still so much pain, fear, danger, clean-up, etc. that it's hard to believe that real healing could possibly be happening.

me, i'm just trying to get rid of things, pack & move.

police surveillance of death penalty opponents & peace activists

wow! here's a scary post from karl keys at capital defense weekly. i'll just paste the whole thing:

As most probably know, cops in Maryland have been targeting people opposed to the ultimate use of state power. I’m too cheesed off to even pretend I can talk rationally about this as everyone I know who supports ending the dp in Maryland is, well, ridiculously normal/mainstream. I’ll leave it to Dr. Michael Blankenship from the Justice Gambit:

Maryland State Police officers conducted surveillance on local peace activists and groups opposed to the death penalty, including some in Takoma Park, for more than a year during the administration of former Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr. (R), documents released this morning show.

Read more…

No evidence of criminal behavior was reported during almost 300 hours of undercover surveillance. It was doubtful that the investigation originated because of any illegal activity. So? Being opposed to capital punishment has rarely been viewed in a positive light by the government. I speak from experience when local prosecutors and sheriff’s joined together to complain to the university about my research and testimony as an expert witness.

However, this is a new low. The use of public funds and resources that were supposed to be expended on crime control activities to conduct covert surveillance on a legal and peaceful group of people should make rational individuals afraid - very afraid. Will there be any accountability for this outrageous abuse of power and public resources?

The Maryland docs are here. The only positive thing I can say about all of this (and friends are listed in the docs) is that the officer(s) assigned determined that this was (B)ravo (S)ierra and asked the investigation be terminated.

this is worse than spending all those fbi resources to find all the iraq war protestors when we were signing our names & providing personal info on all those petitions.

truth is this is outrageous, but on the other hand maybe there'll be another good thing to come of this. (i'm making some assumptions here:) i guess we middle-class middle-aged white folks are discovering that the whole criminal justice thing really isn't all that fair and that law-abiding peaceful people are not immune. maybe if this hits home then we'll start to pay better attention to what's really happening in other neighborhoods. and maybe be more willing to believe similar claims by others.

advisors to obama

the obama campaign is asking for participation in defining the issues. here's my quickly put-together list:

economy: we have a societal interest and obligation not to let the bottom drop out, i.e., we need to ensure that those who are most vulnerable have real choices. this includes those who have made bad choices (and gotten in trouble) in the past but are now wanting to work hard and build a decent life. jobs are not the answer in all cases -- we need a focus on entrepreneurship. many who will never climb a corp ladder can make a good living legally being self-employed, but this requires some training and support. our economy will be stronger when more people work for themselves and fewer work for walmart.

troops: we need leaders who will not waste the lives and service of our troops. we need to support them when they return by providing health care (including mental health care) for service-related problems. and other benefits -- we need to keep our promises to them. we need to honor them, even if the war was wrong (which it was). we need to honor them with something other than empty words.

foreign relations: we need leaders who understand the value of diplomacy and can use something other than threats and violence. treating others with respect is about who we are, not based on who the others are, and can be surprisingly effective.

criminal justice: we are in a dangerous time, when there is such a degree of unfairness that large segments (often non-white) are in an enemy relationship with the police, and both sides contribute. this is unsustainable. the mafia arose because of a lack of trust in govt. gangs arise for the same reason. justice needs to be both fair and perceived as fair.

guantanamo: we need to close gitmo now. we need legislation which eliminates the possibility of this sort of thing happening again. we need to abide by international conventions. we need to lead in this area. we need to do the right thing because of who *we* are.

climate/environment/energy: we need to recognize that the days of cheap gasoline are over. we need to rid ourselves of the addiction and move toward sustainable energy policy. in the meantime we need to ensure that the largest share of the burden doesn't fall on those least able to afford it. we need to take climate and environment into the calculations of cost.

we need to bring back a respect for science, math & other courses of study. we are losing our edge.

we need leaders who will encourage dialog not division. we need to remember how to listen to each other. debate is important.

listening in business, politics & government

i'm getting to be a big fan of craig newmark (the craig in craigslist.org) who posted this video recently about participatory democracy. he talks about inspiration, leadership, customer service and learning in business, politics and government.

he recommends that obama appoint not only a chief technology officer (as planned) but also what i would call (even if it is a terrible name) a chief listening officer who would have the president's ear and be responsible for keeping his/her ear to the ground, knowing what's going on, doing what newmark calls good customer service: listening and acting on it, listening and acting on it, listening and acting on it . . .

facebook relationships

david just blogged about the facebook relationship status thing, which made me think:

ok, so it's pretty easy (in the real world) to know whether one is married but not necessarily so easy to tell when one has gone from "been out a few times" to "dating." facebook now either helps or complicates this -- i'm not sure which.

one could set the status to "in a relationship" with "[whoever]" -- then there will be that awkward (awaiting confirmation) phase -- then the response! or lack thereof.

this would be more reliable than having your best friend call his best friend to ask.

cheerleaders

woke up thinking about the rich variety in the people who populate my corner of the world, in terms of age, race, work, finances, personality, situation, etc. -- thinking it's pretty amazing and wondering how my new life with all these very smart would-be lawyers will feel -- surely i'll have a broader political spectrum!

but also just noticing that the common thread with almost everyone in my life is the cheerleading aspect -- everyone i am close to is doing some kind of amazing encouraging, whether it's the public form, like blogging, performing, preaching, public speaking, writing, leading groups -- or the more private cheerleading of writing letters, pastoring, parenting, coaching, tutoring, guarding ad litem, encouraging everything from hanging in there to entrepreneurship to integrity.

it's the relationships that make life whatever it is. mine is rich and i'm grateful.

not that the life i have now is boring

just got home from hearing edward chapman speak to the incarcerated youth (including the one i tutor) at swannanoa valley youth development center, which everyone around here calls "j.e.c."

some of edward's messages for the guys:

• no matter where you are, you have choices
• keep your mind busy with positive things (art, poetry, whatever is your niche)
  
• surround yourself with people who will help you succeed, not pull you down
• holding grudges takes a lot of energy
• ask for help, talk to people
• stop blaming other people and look at your own part in your situation
  
• and then forgive yourself

it was beautiful to watch the guys ask him questions. not one of them acted out even a little for a solid hour.

it's hard to believe that here is a man who did not have advantages and who spent 14 years under a death sentence for crimes he didn't do -- and he has this kind of wisdom while i can hold grudges with a vice grip.

anyway, i wish each of you a friend like edward.

letting go

big day yesterday: sold the pottery wheel, kiln & related stuff. i kept a few tools i'll take to ithaca. i amuse myself often these days, watching my choices and reactions, some of which are quite ridiculous.

i took my first pottery class at age 35 fifteen years ago, at the urging of my (still) good friend, janet. over the next few years, we went through the death throes of doomed marriages together, and the pottery was therapy.

but it was more than that. until that pottery class, i'd come to terms with the fact that i was completely left-brained, and had no artistic side. that was ok -- i was good at various things and that was enough.

discovering pottery was like those dreams where you find rooms in your house you didn't know were there. i was hooked. and speaking of dreams, it was in a dream that i first told someone "i'm a potter."

over the next few years, i taught pottery classes, worked as a potter, had a studio at home, had pieces in great galleries and sold a few. i tried to find the right balance between all this fabulous creative time which pulls me and the things that push -- this drive to use my intellect and to affect both individual lives and the overall systems we all operate in.

now i'm faced with the reality that i need to be highly portable for the next few years. i'll be crazy busy and living in a tiny place. i'll likely spend summers and possibly a semester elsewhere. i can't keep this stuff.

so this is a big thing, this selling off of equipment, because it's an active acknowledgment that pottery's rightful place is not the center of my life. and an active trusting that there will be chances to play in the mud, even if i let go. that i am still who i am, even without all this stuff.

today's marital advice

woke up to an empty house again and there's another showing today, so i started cleaning out the fridge while the tea water boiled. that started me off appreciating eric (who usually does these things) and thinking about marital advice. probably helped that there are two family anniversaries this week: my parents' (53rd!) and the dlls'.

now, i have an unfortunate marital history -- let's just leave it at that and let me claim some basis for knowing that of which i speak when i say that eric is a great partner.

early on, i told him that, unfair as it was, he was going to have to make tea for me every morning because that's what starts me off feeling loved. and he does! when he's around he fights me for the right to make one pot for the morning and a thermos-full for later. and now, thousands of pots of tea later, that tank is full -- i feel loved even when i have to make my own.

so my advice is about little things, even though it's true that things like common values are essential.

anyway, here's my advice:

1. generosity: find someone who will make you tea every day (or whatever little daily thing is yours to need)
1a. strength: and is also willing to fight you.

2. responsibility: find someone who will voluntarily throw out the gross stuff in the fridge. if he'll do things like this, he'll step up in other ways.

3. delight: find someone who grins when he says he loves you.

the little things are the big things, as always.

happy anniversary to mom & dad and david & deanna, and a big thank you to marni & lee for introducing me to their friend eric.

and the living is easy

my sister and her family are unable to use the first couple of days of their condo rental at the beach, so the rents and i are keeping it from going to waste! i'm so lucky in the family department. this from the porch of brett's waterway cafe:


~~~~~

there's talk lately about the meaning of "home." what makes home? lots of songs jump into my head. there's robert frost's rather cynical "home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

geography and familiarity contribute, but some (david!) are good at making themselves at home (at least to some extent) in a different hotel room every night. and did edward spend fifteen years in prison without making some kind of home there?

we say "make yourself at home" to mean take care of yourself here, find what you need, relax, claim something here. and is home restricted to a dwelling? i feel at home in asheville or here on fernandina beach.

questions, questions. what does home mean? i don't know, but i'm hoping to become increasingly turtle-like for the next few years -- able to take my sense of home with me -- without taking all the stuff!

gathering

seems it's time to start saying goodbye. here's the fam (all 10.5 of us) at sourwood inn last weekend -- what a lovely peaceful place . . .


and then we had a low-key party-ish sort of thing, which we called our housewarming and going-away party. david took this great pic of me with edward chapman. i'm glad to have a visual to take with me to remind me why i need to do this work. what a privilege to call this generous, gentle man my friend!



life is good, but very busy! we've suddenly realized that -- sale or no sale -- we need to be out of here by about the end of the month, so that means a fast pace for the next few weeks. after i get back from a couple of days at the beach, that is! feels like one last deep breath, then diving in.

eric is here but will leave tomorrow and i won't see him until august -- we're taking this 'apart' thing for a test drive -- pretty scary for both of us, but exciting, too. it just occurred to us that there are other couples who have lived apart (duh) -- if you have any advice, bring it on!