kathological

My "saying no" story. Everyone has one.

2009-03-11T08:12:00.004-04:00

Background: when I was in high school, my friend Robert killed himself because I wouldn't go out with him. I "learned" that saying no could kill people, at least when I did it. You can imagine that I had a wee tiny problem saying no.

Years later, I volunteered at an emergency shelter. We took in people in all sorts of emergencies -- abused women with kids, runaways, etc. -- so everyone needed it to be a safe place. For this reason, we did not take people who were intoxicated. Every night, homeless guys would come to the door drunk, wanting to stay. We had to say no.

In training, we practiced saying no at the door. That's when I learned an important thing. We all had this need to convince the drunk guy that our decision was right, get him to agree with us. We explained, we blamed rules and higher-ups, etc., etc. -- to no avail, of course -- until we finally got angry enough and slammed the door.

The drunk person would just manipulate, accuse us of being uncaring, threaten the shelter with bad publicity. (The things we fear: I'm not nice and other people will think I'm not nice.)

And the funny part was realizing that the drunk guy was *never* going to agree -- he had a big interest in seeing it the other way. I was at the door, trying to convince a drunk guy that it really was better that he not come in and sleep in a nice, clean bed.

What I learned was that the advance work was important -- I had to convince myself that I had a right to say no -- it was rightfully my/our decision -- and that it was possible to say no simply, firmly, without anger.

I could explain if I thought it helpful, but I had no obligation even to explain, and sometimes explaining wasn't helpful ("You're intoxicated" does not elicit a "You're right, I'm intoxicated" response.)

I could just say, kindly, "No, sorry, you can't stay here tonight," maybe repeat it in response to whatever he said, but then close the door.

And that, btw, was much more respectful to the other person than my getting all defensive and resentful.

Signs of Spring

2009-03-10T23:13:00.002-04:00

One week before Spring Break and I'm tired of seeing my to-do list tell me it's been over 100 days since I posted anything here. It's been a helluva year, but I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. As of this week we're more than half-way through the semester's work (not counting exams).

Here is the creek in front of my apartment. I walk past it on my way to the bus stop. I've enjoyed watching the changes in the ice and snow all winter. Not a gorgeous pic, but it's good to see more water than ice/snow on the surface.

I did finally make it to the Cornell studio a couple of weeks ago, and here is one of the results. Now I have some new tea-drinking cups.

There. Now I've posted. OK, back to my reading.

Now what? A note to my co-Liberals.

2008-11-08T09:05:00.003-05:00

We the people have elected our first black president. There is no way to convey my pride in our country right now. It wasn't that long ago that I was thinking "I love this guy but there's no way."

And BTW, I'm aware of the real concern that he won't live to be inaugurated, a concern I hear not only from African-Americans but from people generally my age and older who remember JFK, MLK, et al. Powerful leaders who want to change the balance of power risk their lives, and we need to remember to be grateful to Barack Obama and his family for their willingness to take this risk for the sake of all of us.

I also want to remember to be grateful to everyone who gave so much money and time to get Obama elected. We all "own a piece of this thing" and that's the other historic thing here. We elected not only a black man, but a man who ran his campaign in an historically different way, a man who worked within his party but also outside the party Machine. He found ways to reach us directly, to work around the Big Media filter. He convinced us he was worth supporting directly, worth our real involvement in the political process. He relied on us, not on the traditional sources of money and support. And he did this by fanning, not our fears but our hopes, however cheesy that sounds now. That's historically significant, too.

Now what?

I think it helps to ask what needs to be undone from the last eight years. It's easy to start listing specific wrongs that need to be righted, there's something more important.

The worst thing was the divisiveness, the utter lack of respect for people who think differently. We liberals tend to focus on all the insults levied at people who are educated, live in cities, are not Conservative Christian, are gay, etc., etc. And we want to blame the Right for this intolerance. We can talk about who is to blame for the divide, but we need to be careful not to do the same thing.

And it's not just about supporting congressional leaders who will "reach across the aisle."

I'm hearing liberals saying things like "I don't understand how anyone could support McCain/Palin." OK, fair enough. But we need to get that question answered. We need to find out. Listen. Listen. Listen. We need Obama to lead the healing, but it won't happen unless we do our part down here on the ground.

Our candidate won. We won. There are a lot of people out there who, for whatever reason, are really afraid of what comes next. We are faced with a choice. Do we just force our agenda and our worldview on the other nearly-half of the country? Or do we try to stitch this country back together into a place where difference is appreciated, where we all -- even those people, the conservative Christian, anti-gay, anti-abortion, pro-Guantanamo, etc. people who live in counties with no Starbucks -- are real Americans entitled to be treated with respect and to participate in the public discourse.

This happens -- or doesn't -- down here in our daily lives.

law school, week one -- behind me!

2008-09-07T23:31:00.004-04:00

At the moment, I'm thinking that this will be a weekly opportunity for me to "pause and reflect" as suggested by someone during the orientation process. So, with apologies, I'm mostly doing this for me right now.

As it's late, I'll just plop things onto the page:

1. There is an enormous amount of work! I say this not in self-pity but in real amazement! You may have heard me say that I hoped my inability to read as fast as some (Eric!) and my likely reduced energy levels (as compared to my 20-something classmates) would be balanced by the fact that I don't need to drink and look for a boyfriend. Well, what I have to say now is that it's a seriously good thing that I don't need to do those things because I'm barely -- no, be honest -- not keeping up. It's terrifying at times to realize that I'm doing very little other than this -- not "wasting" much time on self-maintenance, relationships, etc. -- and it's not enough to feel that it's under control. And I've made a deliberate decision not to commit to the "feeding" stuff like pottery (although I have been to Quaker Meeting twice now) and allow myself the odd luxury of just focusing on this.

2. I am told that the only way through is through, so I do the best I can, and try to learn -- not just law, but how to learn, how to study, how to approach all this. They say just keep doing and it will all fall into place. At this point there's nothing to do but to trust that that's true. It's comforting to be surrounded by very smart people who are also in this state. I keep trying to step back and get some perspective now and then.

3. My profs are great. Our constitutional (con) law prof is also our faculty advisor. With him, we have our "small section" class (about 30 people). Also we've had that class a couple of extra times, due to scheduling stuff, so he's the one I feel I have the best sense of, and I feel very lucky to have him. He is very young -- younger than son Michael, which is a grin -- just out of Yale Law last year. This is his first year teaching. That we won't have last year's exams to prepare with will be balanced, I am convinced, by his genuine enthusiasm for the subject/job/class. This class has, by far, the most reading and the reading is very "dense" so it takes forever.

The other classes I have this semester are Property, Contracts, Civil Procedure and "Lawyering." More on them later, but the profs all seem good and have very different personalities.

4. For the first several days, every class required a re-boot of my brain. I went in thinking I was prepared and came out thinking that I had been completely unprepared -- but that I realized something about what I should have done to prepare. Very steep learning curve here.

5. The other students are fabulous. There is a real diversity of personality, if not the race/socio-economic spread one would wish for -- that latter seems to be true of law school in general, from what I can tell. At any rate, the students are more than I hoped for -- they are very smart and very welcoming toward me. It's fun. I'm back in that PK position where, because I stand out, everyone knows my name and I am only very slowly learning theirs, but hey, I've been here before, and I'm enjoying how quickly they begin to ignore my major difference and just treat me like one of the gang.

6, OK, so here are the questions I'm thinking of asking myself at the end of each week. Thanks to my wonderful Partner for help in coming up with them:

How did the week go?
What have I learned this week about how to do this?
What's one thing I could do differently so that I could get more done with less effort?
Am I allowing for possibilities I don't yet see?
Is it time yet to add in some fun/feeding stuff?

My white board says "remember that you love this -- don't focus on the burden!"

I'm thinking often of Nate as he launches into college, and of Nick who has been such a cool trailblazer for me, and of Serine who's in my shoes at UT. I am so grateful to family, friends and various communities for all the continued cheerleading of this late blooming of mine -- you have no idea how much that matters. And most of all to Eric, of course, for everything. Thank you.

so..... how long have you been out?

2008-08-27T07:54:00.002-04:00

someone introduced himself to me yesterday by saying he was also a "non-traditional" student. we chatted a little, and i asked him "so..... how long have you been out?" and got this blank stare for a moment. i meant " ... of college" but we discovered that's a really funny question.

of course, in my life, there's the " . . . of prison?" version.

and he went on this funny riff about having these feelings in college and it being hard to tell his parents.

law school is gonna be good.

first meeting with my section, the unfortunately-named "c-section" today, then classes start tomorrow. already a ton of homework -- a little scary, the reading load.

yesterday i got two mentions (not by name, but still . . . ) in the class introduction: one for being the oldest student in the class and one in the listing of previous occupations as a professional potter.

setting intentions

2008-08-23T10:37:00.004-04:00

i'm not all that woo-woo (as we call it in asheville), but i do believe in setting intentions, mostly because it has had surprising results when i've looked back.

eric and i have moved often enough that we've developed a ritual about leaving one place and arriving in another, and it includes walking back through the time in the old place and setting intentions or stating what we hope for the new place.

for dodge street, we hoped it would be a good launching pad -- yikes! that worked. maybe a little too well! for here, we are laughing that we intend that NOTHING INTERESTING WILL HAPPEN!

seriously, it's a scary thing to put the intentions out there. i used to be scared that they wouldn't be realized, but now i'm honestly a little more scared that they will. i want to do well in school, be a good partner to eric, let the people in my life know that i love them, be centered and choose well, take good care of myself -- those are easy to say. but the hard one is that i most of all want to get better at hearing and trusting that quiet Voice that will Guide us if we let it. that's the scary part, but also the heart of the matter.

today's thought is that i can do this intention re-set any time i like, not just when we move. now *that's* scary!

finding my place, stage 1

2008-08-22T18:32:00.003-04:00

so here's what $938 worth of law textbooks looks like:

doesn't look like all that much, does it? they're pretty big books, but still. oh, well, whatever -- welcome to my book locker. required for one class is an "i-clicker" which looks like an early remote control and is a way to communicate electronically with the professor during class (just having an "i'm old" moment).

truth is i'm excited about it all. at orientation next week, one task will be to locate our "flexes" which make up the cornell mail system. i cheated and found mine today. there it was, right there, with my name on it, as if they are expecting me!

went and sat in the carrels today, just to see if i could find a favorite. did the goldilocks thing -- this one's too close to the stairs where people are talking, that one's too close to the whatever machine is running in that corner. but found one. then went up to the beautiful reading room and read there for a while. feels good. feels good enough that i was having a hard time reading, just excited to be claiming such a place.

i know all this is very uncool, but i am really loving it, and eager to get started. life is good and i'm grateful.

this is the way we walk to school

2008-08-20T22:18:00.002-04:00

to catch up a bit:

i'm in ithaca, in my new place. eric's in boston in his. law school starts next week.

law school classes are typically divided into sections of students who take all of their classes together. here, these sections have letter designations. mine is the unfortunately-named "c - section". oh well.

funny: there's someone named eric johnson in my section; i wonder if i'll ever call him the right name.

i'm getting better at facebook, which is how i keep up with what's going on with my classmates as we all get ourselves here. i've gotten my netflix copy of the paper chase -- either alex & christina will come over here or maybe someone on facebook will offer up a bigger screen and we'll go there.

because i'm always more comfortable once i have some familiarity, i walked up to the school today, timed the walk, found my locker (yes, locker. actually, i get 1.5 lockers, one in the library for books, a shared one for my coat & boots), bought my books (ouch), just poked around the school. oh, and got yet another mmr shot -- keep your vaccination records, kids.

one of the best things: i took the pic above on the walk through the gorge on the way to school. as they say, ithaca is gorges.

one good way to meet other law students is to hang out in the law section of the book store.

ithaca is a lot like asheville -- crunchy-granola, massage therapists, the same bumper stickers on volvos and subarus -- but with this serious academic side. i went to the farmers' market yesterday and got good organic stuff. the co-op is good. wegman's is good. my upstairs neighbors are great. everyone walks everywhere.

i'm still getting the apartment settled. on my visit to boston i got some shelves and they are half-painted. i'll put up some pix of the apartment once i find the still-packed-somewhere battery charger and re-juice the camera batteries.

i have moments of panic about whether i can read fast enough for all this. this makes me want to get started on the already-posted homework assignments, the first of which is due in a week. eric thinks this is funny. he also thought it was funny to watch me obsess about which section i was in.

when i came home tonight i saw a sticky note which i'd used in organizing things during the move. it said "do -- less urgent" but when i saw it tonight i read it as "do less -- urgent." i'll take that as a sign for the next couple of days.

tonight i went to the french language meetup, which was fun. i love hearing the french language spoken by native speakers.

i'm tired and full of cheese and creme brulee, so i'll stop now. more soon.

more on letting go

2008-08-01T07:04:00.003-04:00

i have to begin by admitting that i'm a hoarder.

a few years ago when we moved and could not take everything, the process of dealing with all the "stuff" was overwhelming. everything i touched seemed to require this enormously heavy multiple choice question:

keep? take to boston? pack in storage?

don't keep? sell? give to someone? donate? recycle? trash?

the task was just plain painful and overwhelming, partly because it was layered with some things i wasn't really aware of at the time.

this time i decided to take seriously the advice on the front of the card christine gave me several years ago: have nothing in your house that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful (or something like that). i thought i'd try it out and see -- well, honestly, i thought i'd see what was wrong with the advice. =)

have to say i recommend it. i learned some pretty serious stuff about myself:

everything -- everything! -- that i was holding onto that didn't fit one of those categories was attached to me by fear: fear that i might need it someday, fear that someone would be upset if i let it go, etc. this means my house (and evil storage units) had all kinds of stuff that isn't useful and i don't love -- yuck!

i might need it someday, sure, but someone else needs it now. i might need it someday, sure, but i can trust that i will have what i need then, same as now.

and about my great-grandmother's whatever or this thing that so-and-so gave me? if i don't love it or use it, i'm just keeping it out of guilt. is this a good way to honor someone? i can offer it around. if no one else wants it, it's ok to let it go to the habitat store. off it goes to someone who will want it.

the other fear thing was about money. i thought i had to get every penny out of things if i could, and that meant this big monster of selling stuff somehow. paralyzing.

instead i put a few things on craigslist and sold most of them, but just let the other stuff go. money or not, it was really fun when things found a good home, and it has been amazing to see that happen -- people with some need turning up at just the right moment, people loving something i was ready to part with, etc.

and i'm free. freer anyway. i do wonder what it would be like to own nothing, but i'm not there yet.

at this point, i've cleared two (yes, two) storage units, the pottery studio and eric's office. all that's left is at home and the stuff is flying out the door.

everyone (including me at times) is sort of waiting for the crash, since i'm pushing pretty hard here, but what seems to be happening is that it does take energy to walk into all this, but there is also an energy boost that comes from getting free.

anyway, i do highly recommend taking a look around to see what stuff is in your life and why.

progmess

2008-07-20T16:03:00.003-04:00

here's my newly-invented word:

progmess: that stage where real progress is being made, but it looks, feels, etc. like unmitigated chaos.

i'm thinking about lots of people who are in the progmess stage of things (e.g., divorce), where the central event has happened, but there is still so much pain, fear, danger, clean-up, etc. that it's hard to believe that real healing could possibly be happening.

me, i'm just trying to get rid of things, pack & move.

police surveillance of death penalty opponents & peace activists

2008-07-19T09:55:00.003-04:00

wow! here's a scary post from karl keys at capital defense weekly. i'll just paste the whole thing:

As most probably know, cops in Maryland have been targeting people opposed to the ultimate use of state power. I’m too cheesed off to even pretend I can talk rationally about this as everyone I know who supports ending the dp in Maryland is, well, ridiculously normal/mainstream. I’ll leave it to Dr. Michael Blankenship from the Justice Gambit:

Maryland State Police officers conducted surveillance on local peace activists and groups opposed to the death penalty, including some in Takoma Park, for more than a year during the administration of former Gov. Robert L. Ehrlich Jr. (R), documents released this morning show.

Read more…

No evidence of criminal behavior was reported during almost 300 hours of undercover surveillance. It was doubtful that the investigation originated because of any illegal activity. So? Being opposed to capital punishment has rarely been viewed in a positive light by the government. I speak from experience when local prosecutors and sheriff’s joined together to complain to the university about my research and testimony as an expert witness.

However, this is a new low. The use of public funds and resources that were supposed to be expended on crime control activities to conduct covert surveillance on a legal and peaceful group of people should make rational individuals afraid - very afraid. Will there be any accountability for this outrageous abuse of power and public resources?

The Maryland docs are here. The only positive thing I can say about all of this (and friends are listed in the docs) is that the officer(s) assigned determined that this was (B)ravo (S)ierra and asked the investigation be terminated.

this is worse than spending all those fbi resources to find all the iraq war protestors when we were signing our names & providing personal info on all those petitions.

truth is this is outrageous, but on the other hand maybe there'll be another good thing to come of this. (i'm making some assumptions here:) i guess we middle-class middle-aged white folks are discovering that the whole criminal justice thing really isn't all that fair and that law-abiding peaceful people are not immune. maybe if this hits home then we'll start to pay better attention to what's really happening in other neighborhoods. and maybe be more willing to believe similar claims by others.

advisors to obama

2008-07-18T23:40:00.001-04:00

the obama campaign is asking for participation in defining the issues. here's my quickly put-together list:

economy: we have a societal interest and obligation not to let the bottom drop out, i.e., we need to ensure that those who are most vulnerable have real choices. this includes those who have made bad choices (and gotten in trouble) in the past but are now wanting to work hard and build a decent life. jobs are not the answer in all cases -- we need a focus on entrepreneurship. many who will never climb a corp ladder can make a good living legally being self-employed, but this requires some training and support. our economy will be stronger when more people work for themselves and fewer work for walmart.

troops: we need leaders who will not waste the lives and service of our troops. we need to support them when they return by providing health care (including mental health care) for service-related problems. and other benefits -- we need to keep our promises to them. we need to honor them, even if the war was wrong (which it was). we need to honor them with something other than empty words.

foreign relations: we need leaders who understand the value of diplomacy and can use something other than threats and violence. treating others with respect is about who we are, not based on who the others are, and can be surprisingly effective.

criminal justice: we are in a dangerous time, when there is such a degree of unfairness that large segments (often non-white) are in an enemy relationship with the police, and both sides contribute. this is unsustainable. the mafia arose because of a lack of trust in govt. gangs arise for the same reason. justice needs to be both fair and perceived as fair.

guantanamo: we need to close gitmo now. we need legislation which eliminates the possibility of this sort of thing happening again. we need to abide by international conventions. we need to lead in this area. we need to do the right thing because of who *we* are.

climate/environment/energy: we need to recognize that the days of cheap gasoline are over. we need to rid ourselves of the addiction and move toward sustainable energy policy. in the meantime we need to ensure that the largest share of the burden doesn't fall on those least able to afford it. we need to take climate and environment into the calculations of cost.

we need to bring back a respect for science, math & other courses of study. we are losing our edge.

we need leaders who will encourage dialog not division. we need to remember how to listen to each other. debate is important.

listening in business, politics & government

2008-07-17T09:15:00.002-04:00

i'm getting to be a big fan of craig newmark (the craig in craigslist.org) who posted this video recently about participatory democracy. he talks about inspiration, leadership, customer service and learning in business, politics and government.

he recommends that obama appoint not only a chief technology officer (as planned) but also what i would call (even if it is a terrible name) a chief listening officer who would have the president's ear and be responsible for keeping his/her ear to the ground, knowing what's going on, doing what newmark calls good customer service: listening and acting on it, listening and acting on it, listening and acting on it . . .

facebook relationships

2008-07-16T09:07:00.002-04:00

david just blogged about the facebook relationship status thing, which made me think:

ok, so it's pretty easy (in the real world) to know whether one is married but not necessarily so easy to tell when one has gone from "been out a few times" to "dating." facebook now either helps or complicates this -- i'm not sure which.

one could set the status to "in a relationship" with "[whoever]" -- then there will be that awkward (awaiting confirmation) phase -- then the response! or lack thereof.

this would be more reliable than having your best friend call his best friend to ask.

cheerleaders

2008-07-15T07:31:00.004-04:00

woke up thinking about the rich variety in the people who populate my corner of the world, in terms of age, race, work, finances, personality, situation, etc. -- thinking it's pretty amazing and wondering how my new life with all these very smart would-be lawyers will feel -- surely i'll have a broader political spectrum!

but also just noticing that the common thread with almost everyone in my life is the cheerleading aspect -- everyone i am close to is doing some kind of amazing encouraging, whether it's the public form, like blogging, performing, preaching, public speaking, writing, leading groups -- or the more private cheerleading of writing letters, pastoring, parenting, coaching, tutoring, guarding ad litem, encouraging everything from hanging in there to entrepreneurship to integrity.

it's the relationships that make life whatever it is. mine is rich and i'm grateful.

not that the life i have now is boring

2008-07-13T12:01:00.002-04:00

just got home from hearing edward chapman speak to the incarcerated youth (including the one i tutor) at swannanoa valley youth development center, which everyone around here calls "j.e.c."

some of edward's messages for the guys:

no matter where you are, you have choices
keep your mind busy with positive things (art, poetry, whatever is your niche)
surround yourself with people who will help you succeed, not pull you down
holding grudges takes a lot of energy
ask for help, talk to people
stop blaming other people and look at your own part in your situation
and then forgive yourself

it was beautiful to watch the guys ask him questions. not one of them acted out even a little for a solid hour.

it's hard to believe that here is a man who did not have advantages and who spent 14 years under a death sentence for crimes he didn't do -- and he has this kind of wisdom while i can hold grudges with a vice grip.

anyway, i wish each of you a friend like edward.

letting go

2008-07-13T07:23:00.003-04:00

big day yesterday: sold the pottery wheel, kiln & related stuff. i kept a few tools i'll take to ithaca. i amuse myself often these days, watching my choices and reactions, some of which are quite ridiculous.

i took my first pottery class at age 35 fifteen years ago, at the urging of my (still) good friend, janet. over the next few years, we went through the death throes of doomed marriages together, and the pottery was therapy.

but it was more than that. until that pottery class, i'd come to terms with the fact that i was completely left-brained, and had no artistic side. that was ok -- i was good at various things and that was enough.

discovering pottery was like those dreams where you find rooms in your house you didn't know were there. i was hooked. and speaking of dreams, it was in a dream that i first told someone "i'm a potter."

over the next few years, i taught pottery classes, worked as a potter, had a studio at home, had pieces in great galleries and sold a few. i tried to find the right balance between all this fabulous creative time which pulls me and the things that push -- this drive to use my intellect and to affect both individual lives and the overall systems we all operate in.

now i'm faced with the reality that i need to be highly portable for the next few years. i'll be crazy busy and living in a tiny place. i'll likely spend summers and possibly a semester elsewhere. i can't keep this stuff.

so this is a big thing, this selling off of equipment, because it's an active acknowledgment that pottery's rightful place is not the center of my life. and an active trusting that there will be chances to play in the mud, even if i let go. that i am still who i am, even without all this stuff.

today's marital advice

2008-07-10T07:49:00.006-04:00

woke up to an empty house again and there's another showing today, so i started cleaning out the fridge while the tea water boiled. that started me off appreciating eric (who usually does these things) and thinking about marital advice. probably helped that there are two family anniversaries this week: my parents' (53rd!) and the dlls'.

now, i have an unfortunate marital history -- let's just leave it at that and let me claim some basis for knowing that of which i speak when i say that eric is a great partner.

early on, i told him that, unfair as it was, he was going to have to make tea for me every morning because that's what starts me off feeling loved. and he does! when he's around he fights me for the right to make one pot for the morning and a thermos-full for later. and now, thousands of pots of tea later, that tank is full -- i feel loved even when i have to make my own.

so my advice is about little things, even though it's true that things like common values are essential.

anyway, here's my advice:

1. generosity: find someone who will make you tea every day (or whatever little daily thing is yours to need)
1a. strength: and is also willing to fight you.

2. responsibility: find someone who will voluntarily throw out the gross stuff in the fridge. if he'll do things like this, he'll step up in other ways.

3. delight: find someone who grins when he says he loves you.

the little things are the big things, as always.

happy anniversary to mom & dad and david & deanna, and a big thank you to marni & lee for introducing me to their friend eric.

and the living is easy

2008-07-07T06:25:00.003-04:00

my sister and her family are unable to use the first couple of days of their condo rental at the beach, so the rents and i are keeping it from going to waste! i'm so lucky in the family department. this from the porch of brett's waterway cafe:

~~~~~

there's talk lately about the meaning of "home." what makes home? lots of songs jump into my head. there's robert frost's rather cynical "home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

geography and familiarity contribute, but some (david!) are good at making themselves at home (at least to some extent) in a different hotel room every night. and did edward spend fifteen years in prison without making some kind of home there?

we say "make yourself at home" to mean take care of yourself here, find what you need, relax, claim something here. and is home restricted to a dwelling? i feel at home in asheville or here on fernandina beach.

questions, questions. what does home mean? i don't know, but i'm hoping to become increasingly turtle-like for the next few years -- able to take my sense of home with me -- without taking all the stuff!

gathering

2008-07-04T11:16:00.003-04:00

seems it's time to start saying goodbye. here's the fam (all 10.5 of us) at sourwood inn last weekend -- what a lovely peaceful place . . .

and then we had a low-key party-ish sort of thing, which we called our housewarming and going-away party. david took this great pic of me with edward chapman. i'm glad to have a visual to take with me to remind me why i need to do this work. what a privilege to call this generous, gentle man my friend!

life is good, but very busy! we've suddenly realized that -- sale or no sale -- we need to be out of here by about the end of the month, so that means a fast pace for the next few weeks. after i get back from a couple of days at the beach, that is! feels like one last deep breath, then diving in.

eric is here but will leave tomorrow and i won't see him until august -- we're taking this 'apart' thing for a test drive -- pretty scary for both of us, but exciting, too. it just occurred to us that there are other couples who have lived apart (duh) -- if you have any advice, bring it on!

transparency

2008-06-24T15:37:00.002-04:00

here's a thought i thunk:

there is a movement among progressive types toward more transparency or visibility into the doings of governments and corporations.

the current admin seem bent on having more visibility into the lives and doings of private citizens.

hmmm.

times they are achangin'

2008-06-22T16:21:00.001-04:00

my delightful 4-year-old neighbor told me yesterday that she was sorry she didn't see me all day, that she'd "spent all afternoon on the computer" . . . !

september 10 mindset

2008-06-18T20:57:00.001-04:00

heard on npr today that obama is accused of having a "september 10 mindset."

ummm, that was when maybe we could have done something to prevent it, right?

responding to gas prices

2008-06-18T20:40:00.002-04:00

either these gas prices will motivate us to curb our consumption and find saner solutions that our grandchildren can respect, or we will use them as justification to make some really bad decisions such as: build more nuclear reactors (mccain), lift the ban on off-shore drilling (bush), etc.

the differences between the candidates are clearer by the day.

bush's choice is to blame democrats and wonder ". . . how high oil -- how high gas prices have to rise before the Democratic-controlled Congress will do something about it" oops. didn't mean to mention oil prices when blaming dems for gas prices.

january 09 isn't going to come fast enough.

2008-06-18T19:12:00.003-04:00

now in my line of work
i seem to see a lot more than most . . .

that's a line from an old jimmy buffett song that's in my head. but who among us doesn't feel that way? doesn't everyone? or do i just hang around with people who seem to see a lot more than most?