cheerleaders

woke up thinking about the rich variety in the people who populate my corner of the world, in terms of age, race, work, finances, personality, situation, etc. -- thinking it's pretty amazing and wondering how my new life with all these very smart would-be lawyers will feel -- surely i'll have a broader political spectrum!

but also just noticing that the common thread with almost everyone in my life is the cheerleading aspect -- everyone i am close to is doing some kind of amazing encouraging, whether it's the public form, like blogging, performing, preaching, public speaking, writing, leading groups -- or the more private cheerleading of writing letters, pastoring, parenting, coaching, tutoring, guarding ad litem, encouraging everything from hanging in there to entrepreneurship to integrity.

it's the relationships that make life whatever it is. mine is rich and i'm grateful.

not that the life i have now is boring

just got home from hearing edward chapman speak to the incarcerated youth (including the one i tutor) at swannanoa valley youth development center, which everyone around here calls "j.e.c."

some of edward's messages for the guys:

• no matter where you are, you have choices
• keep your mind busy with positive things (art, poetry, whatever is your niche)
  
• surround yourself with people who will help you succeed, not pull you down
• holding grudges takes a lot of energy
• ask for help, talk to people
• stop blaming other people and look at your own part in your situation
  
• and then forgive yourself

it was beautiful to watch the guys ask him questions. not one of them acted out even a little for a solid hour.

it's hard to believe that here is a man who did not have advantages and who spent 14 years under a death sentence for crimes he didn't do -- and he has this kind of wisdom while i can hold grudges with a vice grip.

anyway, i wish each of you a friend like edward.

gathering

seems it's time to start saying goodbye. here's the fam (all 10.5 of us) at sourwood inn last weekend -- what a lovely peaceful place . . .


and then we had a low-key party-ish sort of thing, which we called our housewarming and going-away party. david took this great pic of me with edward chapman. i'm glad to have a visual to take with me to remind me why i need to do this work. what a privilege to call this generous, gentle man my friend!



life is good, but very busy! we've suddenly realized that -- sale or no sale -- we need to be out of here by about the end of the month, so that means a fast pace for the next few weeks. after i get back from a couple of days at the beach, that is! feels like one last deep breath, then diving in.

eric is here but will leave tomorrow and i won't see him until august -- we're taking this 'apart' thing for a test drive -- pretty scary for both of us, but exciting, too. it just occurred to us that there are other couples who have lived apart (duh) -- if you have any advice, bring it on!

times they are achangin'

my delightful 4-year-old neighbor told me yesterday that she was sorry she didn't see me all day, that she'd "spent all afternoon on the computer" . . . !

today's pix

this patch of north carolina overgrowth has been a delight this spring. forsythia, azalea, now these wild roses, honeysuckle and some other thing i can't name.

and this is lela's brother, miles the courageous, who calls me "ah. ee" and blows me kisses goodbye. he wants no help ever and tries something new every day in my yard. today he mastered walking backward *down* the driveway, as i knew he eventually would.

happy birthday, hanna!

tomorrow is niece hanna's 15th birthday. as i have a reputation to protect -- one for doing things in a non-traditional manner -- we celebrated hanna's birthday by making a skirt. more accurately, hanna made a skirt and i hovered around.


hanna is a contra dancer, so this is a fabulous contra skirt, carefully designed with panels and triangles to swirl perfectly and catch the light. she wore her "math counts" t-shirt which helped me remember why she didn't need much help figuring out the geometry of this skirt design.

in this next shot, the yummy fabric. hanna gave the extra fabric to lela, my favorite 4-year old next door, who loved its softness but made sure we knew that in barbie mariposa, the bad barbie is named hanna. (yesterday, lela said "you remember that good hanna?")


ta da!!!! (oops, my hands want to type "to do!!!" what does that tell you?!)

is this a beautiful girl in a beautiful skirt, or what?!


you go, hanna!
_________

today's quote from lela: "the willy wed ones ah wipe," showing me the cherries in her yard.

big fun in death penalty land

going to see/hear mike farrell at malaprops bookstore tomorrow night.

and recent exoneree (and my new friend) edward chapman is front page of mountain xpress! personally i wish the article did a better job of conveying something of who he is now -- in spite (because?) of all he's been through. i don't know of a better example of getting good from a horrible situation.

in other news, our house is officially on the market, which is what's been engrossing me lately. here's what i want to know: is it actually possible to get to the point where i sit back and look around at the house & yard and say, "it's done" or do i just go on hoping the stuff that's not done doesn't completely outweigh the good stuff? i mean, i'm just not a neat person and i don't give a rip if the lawn's not mowed and that makes it harder to get the house in good shape to show, but is it possible to get to the place of being satisfied that it's done, at least for the moment?

possibly homeless raccoons

hard to tell scale from this picture, but there was a subaru parked in that spot under this tree when it fell in last night's storm. the lucky subaru is fine.

mom and dad have pix of a raccoon family hanging out in this tree, observing the bipeds having dinner in their cage.


yesterday, having mothers' day lunch at rhodo, we found evidence that we are in fact related.

glenn edward chapman

i spent the day with glenn edward chapman, recently exonerated and released from north carolina's death row.

i wish i had a picture to show you. here's the video clip again.

i wish i had words to convey what a delightful human being this man is. he has something to teach the rest of us about being centered and clear in the midst of the worst circumstances.

we went for a long walk in the botanical gardens, had lunch, hung out downtown all afternoon. i'm trying to think of anyone i know who is more grounded, grateful, free of resentment, intent on creating a life and continuing to grow as a person. he is present in his moments, smiles easily, and can say no without drama. i'm seriously impressed and grateful for the time he spent with me.

and looking forward to the next time.

the birthsday party

jumping around time-wise (these are from 4/24), here are two pics taken in pretty quick succession. we landed at the airport and went straight to the births day party (marni and david have the same birthday) at the cottage:


in the "what i'll miss" category, this is the heart.

a couple a kids

i will miss my neighbor lela, who is a big supporter of "owock obama" -- lela is seen here wearing my reading glasses. lela likes things that are pink, fancy, shiny or have anything to do with princesses. but for some reason, she also likes me.


i was glad to discover that ithaca also has kids. this random one enjoying some sort of purple candy in starbucks stole my heart:

catching up

i have the best friends. life is good. lunch with janice & larry on saturday at salsa's. aren't they beautiful . . . ?!



and this is a shot i've wanted to take for ages. the jackson building, asheville's first skyscraper and where eric works, reflected in the merrill lynch building in downtown asheville (where i was being an obama signpost yesterday):

my guys

eric bought me a yummy lunch today as we bounced past each other -- he's headed to boston for a few days. i think he did this so i wouldn't get food-jealous. boston is a fun place to eat -- and not just donuts. when we lived there, we momentarily considered trying to eat in every indian restaurant in town, but quickly gave up on that.


ain't technology great? if it weren't for email, instant messaging and cell phones (we even text!) how would we do these relationships? right now, even this blog is figuring in. i tried to tell eric something over lunch, but had the feeling i'd already told him, when he said "i read it in your blog." oh my.

and here's a guy who has always taken pride in whatever work he's done, and who has always done work of which he can be proud. he gave me a fun tour of his shop when i picked up a gorgeous hand-made 9-foot+ metal curtain rod, complete with finials he designed and welded. (uh, no, this is not the curtain rod -- the curtain rod is black.)

Leadings #3: get proactive

still in austin. nick has been a great sport about another night of ‘rents on the futon and has even offered his dad a clean t-shirt (complete with law firm logo). tornado problems in houston kept us from flying home yesterday.

today, instead of participating in the asheville events to mark the fifth anniversary of the iraq invasion, i’ll be flying home this evening. (and get some of my thoughts about that down — as well as some pics from austin — later this week.)

yesterday, instead of flying, i got more time with nick & serine, some great pizza, more episodes of arrested development, and a wonderful phone conversation with a good friend about this whole issue of Leadings or Call or Rightness in our lives. here are some thoughts arising from that conversation and other events this week.

as is true for an uncanny number of people in my life, my friend is doing good work, but is wondering whether there is something more Right for her. it’s a tricky situation. it’s easy for me to make arguments that what she is doing is good: it’s important, it benefits lots of people, she is good at it. these things are true, but they are also the external voice talking. her Insides are saying yeah, yeah, but i want something more — i want to be doing something i love, that uses more of what i have to offer, that’s a really good fit, that motivates me, that Lights me up at least when i remember why i’m doing it.

this week i had a brief conversation with a law student who is wondering whether a life in death penalty work would be too . . . ummm, dark? good question. important question. one i’ve asked myself, and lots of other people have asked me. and a question each of us can answer only for ourselves because we’re all so different.

this week i also had the real honor of meeting rob owen of ut law’s death penalty clinic, someone i’ve been admiring from afar since i first stepped into all this. he came to austin with his 1989 harvard jd, and has been doing this work ever since — not just fighting for condemned clients, but doing so in Texas (it’s hard to overstate the bleakness of the capital punishment situation here, his recent wins notwithstanding). in my conversation with him, though, i was struck by how enthusiastic he is and how he seems to love this work he’s been doing for close to twenty years. it seems Right for him, and he for it.

that’s what we’re looking for — not his work, of course, but that Rightness.
some people will tell you that’s too much to ask for, but i don’t believe it. some people will tell you that not everyone has a calling, but i don’t believe it. i think it’s like creativity — we all have it, the question is how to find it, tap it, live it.

so here are some thoughts on finding it, if i don’t already have a strong sense of what’s Right for me:

be pro-active — make regular space for exploring. your own way of living with this question is fine, but here are some to consider: julia cameron’s the artist’s way recommends a two-fold practice, including daily morning pages and weekly artist dates. this may sound odd, but for me, the every-morning speed-writing, which i’ve been doing more on than off for 14 years now, is a way to dump what’s inside out onto a page where i can see it. it’s a great tool for catching myself telling the Truth, instead of saying what i’m supposed to think or feel. the artist dates (much harder for me) are a way to just sort of wander or play regularly, to try to find out what delights me or is really fun for me, which is surprisingly hard for some of us.

be still — make regular space for listening. this means silence with absolutely no distractions or interruptions. call it meditation, prayer, whatever you like, but be willing to be still and ask. be willing to do it again and again, even if no answer comes. be willing to wait for an answer. it’s worth it. the regular asking itself will help me notice the clues when i get them. this doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it is hard to do. how about sitting ten minutes when i first get up every day? i can burn a candle if i like. i can drink coffee/tea, doesn’t matter, i just sit.

get help - is there anyone i know who is a good mirror for me? who can help me notice when i Light up about something, or when an issue seems to particularly hook me? is there anyone in my family or who has known me a long time, who can help me think of people i’ve admired? quakers have a thing called clearness committees, in which a group is invited to just listen and ask questions, to sort of serve as this mirror when one has an important decision. this kind of thing can be amazing.

attacks on good people

i know a couple of women who regularly inspire and delight the people with whom they come into contact. i know them both well and they are good-hearted and committed to being smart about making the world a better place. they are both dedicated to their own spiritual growth - to living with less judgment and resentment and more joy.

so why do they each also attract real venom from near-strangers sometimes? over the years i’ve seen them attacked with a kind of cruel, derisive, go-for-the-jugular vitriol that i rarely see outside of romantic breakups and political contests. i’m not talking about a smug holier-than-thou response — i mean actively spiteful words and actions which shock me and seem completely over the top.

what is this about? where does it come from?

my theory is that my friends threaten world-view, and there is little more terrifying than having our entire sense of how the world works threatened (just ask galileo!). my friends tell the world in word and actions that something better is possible and worth working toward. for some that’s a welcome reminder, a call to hope, but for some others this is a huge threat and triggers their cornered-animal behavior.

i think the pattern is this: this attack response is produced in people who

1) have a more cynical world-view,
2) are deeply invested in the world working the way they think it does, and
3) sense the core strength and power these friends possess (otherwise the strong reaction makes no sense — they could simply be dismissed after some eye-rolling).

my friends inspire this rage because they threaten everything for these folks: the security of understanding the world’s workings, their own place and value, and their own goodness. by this last i mean that if it turns out my friends are right and it is possible to be both smart and compassionate, both hopeful and effective, both delightful and committed, both hilarious and serious, both soft and strong, then they have made bad choices and are not wearing the white hats.

young hitchhikers

new friends:


had a good trip to the northeast last week (but came home sick, so i'm still catching up!)

in philly, we found travelers still getting sorted out from the previous day's storm. flights and trains were full, so we rented a car to get to boston. in the process we discovered this lovely french family (l to r: eric, madeleine, manon and caroline (not pictured)) stranded on their way home to ny from mexico, so we doubled up and dropped them off. hey, it's not often we get to drive a mini-van with kid seats!

tuesday night they fixed us a lovely picnic dinner at their home! madeleine is a serious artist:


manon is a delightful elf who likes to dance:

quick trip to raleigh

ok, not sure i can explain why i think this is so funny, but . . . . . . . from a distance, i thought it was an inmate transport bus:



went over to the conference -- more on that later -- and took the opportunity to see the lovely and talented christine kane in a house concert. if you get a chance to experience a house concert (a real concert, open to the public, held in someone's home, so it's also more social before/after), check it out -- it's a great way to see performers in an intimate setting. today's salons. this is not a great shot, but will give you the idea:



i seem to be developing a bad habit of shooting pics while driving, too:

what are you doing here?

mary oliver asks:

tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

that question in its myriad forms -- it's the central question: what do i want that backward view to look life from the end of my life? what gives a life meaning? what gives my life meaning? the answer is unique but i don't think we have to find it completely on our own.

i think there are things we can learn about how to live, if we look to the right people. we tend to look to the people who have what everyone seems to want (cool stuff, adoring fans, devoted minions, intergalactic awards, etc. -- which is supposed to make whoever has it happy), but i think that's the wrong approach. there are lots of empty people following the herd or the marketing sirens, chasing after stuff that won't fill them. there is comfort in being just like everyone else, but it's not enough.

a better approach is to look to the people who actually seem to be happy, fulfilled, fully alive, living wide-open, fun, meaningful lives. do you know anyone like that? who is the happiest person you know? go ask them what they know -- they'll tell you. but it's not about you living their lives -- it's about learning something from them about how they figured out what their right lives were, so that you can find yours. because a person living their right life is a wonderful thing to see.

and it's never too late -- start (or start again) now.

If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud. -- Emile Zola

here's a quick wink to my friend chris ahrens who lived his life with passion and purpose. he died in october after a long lifetime of caring deeply about the environment, the poor and community -- living into his passion, being a conscientious objector, building, learning, teaching, solving, writing, convincing, inspiring and generally being both a delight and a thorn to the rest of us. i miss his hugs, his intensity and the ticking of the oxygen tank that finally made his kayaking impossible.

thanks, Chris, for the example that you were.