not that the life i have now is boring

just got home from hearing edward chapman speak to the incarcerated youth (including the one i tutor) at swannanoa valley youth development center, which everyone around here calls "j.e.c."

some of edward's messages for the guys:

• no matter where you are, you have choices
• keep your mind busy with positive things (art, poetry, whatever is your niche)
  
• surround yourself with people who will help you succeed, not pull you down
• holding grudges takes a lot of energy
• ask for help, talk to people
• stop blaming other people and look at your own part in your situation
  
• and then forgive yourself

it was beautiful to watch the guys ask him questions. not one of them acted out even a little for a solid hour.

it's hard to believe that here is a man who did not have advantages and who spent 14 years under a death sentence for crimes he didn't do -- and he has this kind of wisdom while i can hold grudges with a vice grip.

anyway, i wish each of you a friend like edward.

gathering

seems it's time to start saying goodbye. here's the fam (all 10.5 of us) at sourwood inn last weekend -- what a lovely peaceful place . . .


and then we had a low-key party-ish sort of thing, which we called our housewarming and going-away party. david took this great pic of me with edward chapman. i'm glad to have a visual to take with me to remind me why i need to do this work. what a privilege to call this generous, gentle man my friend!



life is good, but very busy! we've suddenly realized that -- sale or no sale -- we need to be out of here by about the end of the month, so that means a fast pace for the next few weeks. after i get back from a couple of days at the beach, that is! feels like one last deep breath, then diving in.

eric is here but will leave tomorrow and i won't see him until august -- we're taking this 'apart' thing for a test drive -- pretty scary for both of us, but exciting, too. it just occurred to us that there are other couples who have lived apart (duh) -- if you have any advice, bring it on!

times they are achangin'

my delightful 4-year-old neighbor told me yesterday that she was sorry she didn't see me all day, that she'd "spent all afternoon on the computer" . . . !

today's pix

this patch of north carolina overgrowth has been a delight this spring. forsythia, azalea, now these wild roses, honeysuckle and some other thing i can't name.

and this is lela's brother, miles the courageous, who calls me "ah. ee" and blows me kisses goodbye. he wants no help ever and tries something new every day in my yard. today he mastered walking backward *down* the driveway, as i knew he eventually would.

happy birthday, hanna!

tomorrow is niece hanna's 15th birthday. as i have a reputation to protect -- one for doing things in a non-traditional manner -- we celebrated hanna's birthday by making a skirt. more accurately, hanna made a skirt and i hovered around.


hanna is a contra dancer, so this is a fabulous contra skirt, carefully designed with panels and triangles to swirl perfectly and catch the light. she wore her "math counts" t-shirt which helped me remember why she didn't need much help figuring out the geometry of this skirt design.

in this next shot, the yummy fabric. hanna gave the extra fabric to lela, my favorite 4-year old next door, who loved its softness but made sure we knew that in barbie mariposa, the bad barbie is named hanna. (yesterday, lela said "you remember that good hanna?")


ta da!!!! (oops, my hands want to type "to do!!!" what does that tell you?!)

is this a beautiful girl in a beautiful skirt, or what?!


you go, hanna!
_________

today's quote from lela: "the willy wed ones ah wipe," showing me the cherries in her yard.

big fun in death penalty land

going to see/hear mike farrell at malaprops bookstore tomorrow night.

and recent exoneree (and my new friend) edward chapman is front page of mountain xpress! personally i wish the article did a better job of conveying something of who he is now -- in spite (because?) of all he's been through. i don't know of a better example of getting good from a horrible situation.

in other news, our house is officially on the market, which is what's been engrossing me lately. here's what i want to know: is it actually possible to get to the point where i sit back and look around at the house & yard and say, "it's done" or do i just go on hoping the stuff that's not done doesn't completely outweigh the good stuff? i mean, i'm just not a neat person and i don't give a rip if the lawn's not mowed and that makes it harder to get the house in good shape to show, but is it possible to get to the place of being satisfied that it's done, at least for the moment?

possibly homeless raccoons

hard to tell scale from this picture, but there was a subaru parked in that spot under this tree when it fell in last night's storm. the lucky subaru is fine.

mom and dad have pix of a raccoon family hanging out in this tree, observing the bipeds having dinner in their cage.


yesterday, having mothers' day lunch at rhodo, we found evidence that we are in fact related.

glenn edward chapman

i spent the day with glenn edward chapman, recently exonerated and released from north carolina's death row.

i wish i had a picture to show you. here's the video clip again.

i wish i had words to convey what a delightful human being this man is. he has something to teach the rest of us about being centered and clear in the midst of the worst circumstances.

we went for a long walk in the botanical gardens, had lunch, hung out downtown all afternoon. i'm trying to think of anyone i know who is more grounded, grateful, free of resentment, intent on creating a life and continuing to grow as a person. he is present in his moments, smiles easily, and can say no without drama. i'm seriously impressed and grateful for the time he spent with me.

and looking forward to the next time.

the birthsday party

jumping around time-wise (these are from 4/24), here are two pics taken in pretty quick succession. we landed at the airport and went straight to the births day party (marni and david have the same birthday) at the cottage:


in the "what i'll miss" category, this is the heart.

a couple a kids

i will miss my neighbor lela, who is a big supporter of "owock obama" -- lela is seen here wearing my reading glasses. lela likes things that are pink, fancy, shiny or have anything to do with princesses. but for some reason, she also likes me.


i was glad to discover that ithaca also has kids. this random one enjoying some sort of purple candy in starbucks stole my heart:

catching up

i have the best friends. life is good. lunch with janice & larry on saturday at salsa's. aren't they beautiful . . . ?!



and this is a shot i've wanted to take for ages. the jackson building, asheville's first skyscraper and where eric works, reflected in the merrill lynch building in downtown asheville (where i was being an obama signpost yesterday):

Leadings #4: say no

oops, i forgot #4 in this series on Leadings, so here it is.

4. learn to say no. of course i need to say no to the “bad” things, but the wrong path for me is not necessarily a bad path in any objective sense. in addition to all the consumer stuff, every day, the world presents opportunities to give my time and money to address real problems. there are people who need food, clothing, medical care (for countless conditions), protection, education, employment, companionship, advocacy, treatment, peacemaking, encouragement, fairness and equality. there are those who are hungry, sick and in prison, both literally and figuratively, at every turn.

. . . and this is just the people. there are also animals, rivers, mountaintops, etc. which can call us to action.

if i respond to every one of these with an internal “should” (whether or not i actually commit time or money), i run a serious risk of simply immobilizing myself and being little or no good to anyone — and more importantly, failing to discover the reason i’m here.

it’s really no wonder i isolate myself from the world’s problems — i am overwhelmed by them because i somehow believe that i am responsible for responding to every need i encounter. unfortunately, this is reinforced by many good people and causes who use guilt to hook me into joining them. if i don’t have a strong sense of what i am supposed to be doing, it’s hard not be swamped by all this. sometimes in the face of all this, i just shut down my compassion.

but when i know what i’m here for, i can dedicate myself to that and stay centered in this sea of need. when i encounter need, i can be willing to feel the compassion and concern i have, ask myself whether this is pulling me in a positive (rather than guilt-ridden) way, and if not, then i can return to my own true work.

there are way too many needs for any one of us, and i don’t think it helps me or anyone if i get scattered. it’s important to have permission to say no.

it’s my hope that those of us doing good work in the world can learn to support each other emotionally without any guilt in the transaction. i want to be able to say, “wow, that is so great that you’re doing that! here’s what i’m doing over here,” and have that feel clean all the way around. i would like to go to talks on various issues, to learn and care, and then return to my own part, glad that others are doing theirs.


lunch with my folks today at the lovely veranda cafe in black mountain. hard to top that!

i got a call from the chaplain at the swannanoa valley youth development center, which is a nice name for our local state-run long-term incarceration facility for juvenile boys.

anyway, i am to get a new guy who needs some one-on-one — and this time it’s to be art, not math! i know i’m weird but when the chaplain said the boy had been described as “artistic and angry” i thought: cool — this ought to be fun! and it’s partly that reaction that lets me know i’m in the Right place. i really love working with these guys.

one of the stranger things i'll miss about asheville.

one more attempt to catch the snow

forsythia

in keeping with the yellow theme i seem to have going, the forsythia looks like this, and we just had a snow shower. oops, better go fill the feeder.

what i'll really miss

what i'll miss most, of course, is my family. a subset of the local contingent is shown here at morning glory cafe having easter brunch. we were missing eric (working), hanna (new york city band trip) and david (australia). there are ten of us who live in town at the moment. this time next year, the number will be cut in half, with five of us leaving for further schooling: david and deanna off to australia, nate off to first year of college and us off to law school. the weirdest perspective is that mom will be the only extrovert left. we imagine the family gathering to . . . go to separate corners and read?! what does this look like?

Leadings #5: read

asheville airport last night — somebody’s plane was really late:

more on Leadings:

another suggestion: read. as part of these thoughts on Leadings, i wanted to put together a suggested reading list. maybe i will. if so, it will include gregg levoy’s callings: finding and following an authentic life which came up in conversation this morning.

shortly after we settled (re-settled, in my case) in asheville in 2002, we were wandering around downtown one late-summer evening, and happened into malaprops bookstore & cafe in time for a lecture/reading/booksigning by gregg levoy. what a treat! in looking for the link earlier today, i came across levoy’s book recs and the list looks amazing. although i haven't read all of them, i think i'll just defer to him at this point. i’ll add other book recs of my own as i go along, and would welcome yours, as well.

new tag

i'm starting a "things i will miss about asheville" tag. it begins with bumper stickers, of course! yesterday, i was so sorry not to have my camera for this, but here are two from the same car:

liberty & justice for all
offer void in some areas
price may change without notice

and

don't worry what people think
they don't do it often

of course what i'll really miss is the people, people like this. http://myavantgarden.squarespace.com/

note the time on this post! 4:30 am on a saturday. we're off to the northeast, eric on biz, me tagging along to visit the remaining boston/nyc schools. glad we didn't try to go yesterday with all the flight cancellations.

life is good, and there sure is a lot of it.